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Re: don't start
Posted By: Emily In Response To: don't start (don't start)
Date: Monday, 7 November 2005, at 4:25 p.m.
In Response To: don't start (don't start)
I don't know. I mean I think its just beginning for me. I grew up with all the health education about how eating disorders were bad and how they were bad. I thought it would never be me. I mean that stuff is stupid. I know that the ideal body is stupid and i don't even think the skinny that a lot of girls go for is actually attractive. I don't know when it started. i went about it in the right way. I have always been overweight, and my mom ahs always tried to get me to loose it but diets are doomed to fail. Then my docotr told me that people just need to exercise five times a week for half an hour. So that was my goal. I started doing it and I lost 10 pounds. i started exersicing mroe and making rules for the amount i needed to be on the maschine for. Then I lost again and I went back to basically my old habits btu i didn't gain all the weight back. Then i went off to College and the new busy life even without trying I lost 15 pounds. Then it leveled off and I stayed about the same. Then that summer I had a renewed interest in losing weight and so i set rules. i ahd to run and I couldn't eat too much. I would plan everyday where and when i would eat. i lost about 10 pounds. So with the gaining and losing I had lost about 20 pounds. Then I gained soem back. Then I came to college this year. I lost about 10 ! pounds initially. I made rules about running. People were telling me how good I looked. I woudl exersize mroe the enxt day if I thought I ate too much the day before. I would restrict my eating so I began to feel tired in practice and games. Then I realized what I was doing and so I let off alittle and leveled off in my weight. Then through the stress of finals I gained 10 pounds. And then i went to christmas break. It was during this break that i first purged. I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. it was a one time thing. I started to create rules after christmas. i lsot the 10 pounds I ahd gained during finals. Then I came back to school. I restricted my intake and was doing great but i couldn't keep it up. So now I am on aderol because I have ADD and it lessons your appetite and increases your meatbolism. I probably purge 3-4 times a week, and I am... i dont know... I know i need help... but I dont want them to make me stop... I want to stop but i dont... I told myself I would tell my counceler if i reach normal weight and I still purge. Until then though, I dont know. If you read this and you ahevn't started... dont... there is no going back....
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
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