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Posted By: Dawn In Response To: binging (Christine)
Date: Monday, 7 November 2005, at 4:09 p.m.
In Response To: binging (Christine)
I stumbled upon this site and after reading some fellow sufferers' posts, I feel not so alone..I just had a badddd binge again today. I'm 23 Chinese girl and I've been dealing with this s*** disorder for more than 8 years. Thinking about how long I've been overfeeding junk into myself, I'm scared but at the same time, I can't help or do anything!!! I'm frustrated, extremely. I mean, there's not many people who suffers or know much about BINGE eating. I DON'T puke, I don't exercise or anything to get rid of whatever junk I consume. IT JUST STAYS RIGHT IN MY SYSTEM AND I FEEL TERRIBLE BECAUSE I'M BLOATED, PAINFUL, YET I JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE DISCOMFORT TO GO AWAY. Sorry I don't mean to type in capital letters, but can u imagine how frustated about my life i feel?? Sometimes I wish I can vomit, but I don't because I don't know how to...I can never seem to puke. Whatever junk goes in stays in, and I know my life is already half gone from all these (for more than 8 years!). Today is another horrible day. I had about 3 boxes (60 HUGE cookies), cold leftover rice, 2 loaves sweet bread, ice-cream, chocolates, 3 BIG bags Ruffles potatochips...I'm going crazy. Now I'm absolutely bloated, my stomach feels like bursting. Yet I felt soo good when I'm eating, but the after feeling sucks. I CAN'T STOP when I eat!~! At 23, I feel so immature..I can't even control my urges. And I don't know how to puke (how can I induce it?? I wish i can throw out now, but I just can't. I'm super depressed, no one understands me. I'm not young, but here I am behaving like a kid. Eating eating non-stop, can't do anything constructive, just feeling down and useless. I feel so much like overswallowing my pills (seroxat, lamictal,prozac..oh yea, I'm a ##### mess with all those pescriptions) again. But I can't because I did that twice, hospitalised twice, and the last round nearly succeeded in ending my life. Thje nurses also make me promise not to do that one more time, and promise I did. Now I almost feel like breaking the promise agai n. Everytime I binge, I just feel so suicidal........I must have been writing for too much now. But it makes me feel better pouring out all my sorrows.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004 at 06:12:49
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